We here at 1-2Knockout would like to inform you, our clients (real or imagined) that we will be commencing trading in our newest product offering: Miley Cyrus Downfall Futures ("MCDF")! The newest and most efficient way to trade Hannah Montana!
We will be offering a variety of maturities in our MCDF contracts, currently going out to November 2010 (which is coincidently when she turns 18). Prices will be quoted from par ($1.00 implies 100% probability of downfall by expiration), where the 'strike' (so-to-speak) will be based off the definition of downfall found in your (non-existent) prospectus. MCDF are marginable and are short-eligible (although why anyone in their right mind would place such a trade is questionable at best). To summarize though, any of the following will constitute a "downfall":
- Drug/alcohol use (abuse)
- Sex scandal of any sort
- Caught hanging out in public with any of the following:
- Paris Hilton
- Brandon Davis
- Lindsay Lohan (immediate downfall trigger)
- Stint in rehab/counseling
- Sudden drastic changes in behavior (e.g. Britney Spears)
- Other, similar things, see prospectus for details.
Risk factors to consider are limited, as our abstract research desk (on loan from Long or Short Capital, shhh) has informed us that for longer-dated maturities, MCDF contracts are highly likely to yield outsized returns. Insofar as any investment or speculative product can, it is our view that MCDF represents as close to a "sure thing" as any we've seen to date*, and that "its only a matter of time". For reference though, risks include:
- Billy Ray Cyrus/non-abusive/psychotic family
- Her continued ability to avoid hanging out with the Olsen Twins
Mylie Cyrus Downfall Future contracts. Long debauchery, short wholesome family goodness.
* Neither Anal_yst or 1-2Knockout, or its representatives recommend any particular investment or investment strategy. MCDF contracts are (currently) abstract and do not actually "exist". Consult your investment advisor before making any investments (either real or imagined).