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41 posts from March 2008

March 31, 2008

Bears, suits, and shitibanks

Guest Post Submitted by Stupid Equity Guy

Citi Upgrades Lehman to Buy on Friday… claims “Reality Will Trump Fear”

Lehman, who obviously did not get the memo to play nice with its sisters, on downgraded almost every bank they cover Thursday –even some that may already be bankrupt just for the fun of it.  This shocking attack at its fellow financial sisters went unnoticed at first.

The Lehman Brothers “Suits” cut C’s price target to $34 dollars from $37 dollars. This act of kindness (keeping C’s relative overweight exposure) was instantly rewarded by the Analysts @ C, who somehow found it in themselves to upgrade the Leisure Suits over at Lehman’s to an outright Buy after years of ignoring them.

The Shiti report had the following nuggets of brilliance in it.

and Lehman’s management team’s excellent track record of creating value and managing risk all serve as excellent downside protection…

Am I the only adult that remembers the events of 1998 and LTCM and the proverbial Lehman Lie of that time? There were 2 of the Big Sisters who did not fully play with the rest of the family during that event:  the Bears and the Brothers in their Leisure suits… 

The Shiti Report continued with…

We see 70% upside in Lehman shares. LEH’s valuation is compelling based on virtually any historical metric, leading to an excellent risk/reward opportunity. Using our DCF based valuation model, LEH shares are discounting less than a 10% over-the-cycle ROE and our 15% ROE forecast results in a $65 stock or almost 70% upside. Furthermore, on an absolute P/B, tangible P/B and relative P/B basis, Lehman is trading at some of its lowest levels in more than a decade.

Now that the Bear has been punished, the market bottom callers have blown their bugle and the 5th straight month of negative declines is almost over, the next round of Bank Bumper Cars is about to break out in our opinion.  We expect that Shiti will be punished for upgrading Lehman at some karma based moment in the future. 

…Stupid Equity Guy agrees on the surface with Citi and doubled his short position on Citi for being really stupid instead of just Shiti Stupid… He cut his double short position on Lehman to just a short position to free up the love to increase his Shiti Short.

Disclosure: Stupid Equity Guy is short C, LEH, UBS, MS, WM specifically besides a holder of SKF and other stupid positions to hold in this market.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: New York International Auto Show

By: Anal_yst

What you, dear reader(s) will notice, is that the Auto sector is one that is very near and dear to my heart, and as so happens, one that is currently in the midst of what we in the industry call a "cyclical downturn" (or, "a boat-load of pain", technically speaking).

So, earlier today, I made my annual journey over to the New York International Auto Show to see what information, if any, I could glean.  Lets get a few things out of the way:  Obviously Mercedes Benz, BMW, Porsche and other similar Unobtanium (at least for most attendees) were as popular as ever.  Our friends from Maranello apparently decided this year that letting the plebes oogle Bella Machina wasn't a very cost effective marketing campaign, and were basically absent (although quasi-rival Lamborghini made an impressive effort...of causing gridlock in the middle of the exhibition floor).  Also absent was another maker of beauteous creations, Maserati, was much bemoaned by yours truly, as the Grand Turisimo S is my object of lust (for the moment).  Besides such automotive pornography, I tried to focus on the attention and sentiment garnered by  vehicles which the average consumer may actually someday purchase, instead of simply dream of.  That being said, heres my run-down of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

The Good:  Nissan/Infinity

Up front on the main floor, we encountered a large crowd at the Nissan/Infinity display.  I figured this was caused mostly by the new GT-R, or the sexy G-37 but upon further investigation it became apparent that the real crowd-pleaser was the new 2009 Maxima.  Any casual observer of the Auto world  knows that over the past  model cycle, Nissan has made tremendous inroads with updated, modern designs across the entire product portfolio, however, with this new update, Nissan seems to have hit the proverbial nail on the head.  Great interior, on par, at least, with the Infinity brand with sleek, modern styling, and all the amenities usually reserved for cars costing multiple thousands more.  Estimated pricing starting around $28,000 puts it within the reach of most families.  My only concern is that the higher trim-level models may cannibalize sales from the low-end of the Infinity G, but with upgrades there as well, I think they have likely mitigated that risk, although results of course remain to be seen.

Bottom line:  Nissan, and its luxury brand Infinity are serious and ready to play.  From what I saw today, the Domestic "big" 3 can't keep up, and increasingly luxury buyers are considering the Infinity G and M models, although they're still not on the same level as BMW's revered 3-series.


The Bad: Ford

The 1st area we walked through upon entering was Ford's sprawling exhibit, starting out with the "Marque" brand and moving back away from the entrance through Volvo, Jaguar, and Rover, the last two of which now find themselves under different ownership (thank god).  Land Rover, Jag all looked good - not spectacular (not even the new Jag XF, but thats a far longer commentary) - just good.  Volvo continues with aesthetically pleasing design, under-powered engines, and ridiculously Swedish safety features, so, in that niche (better than Saab at least!), they're doing ok.

Now, for the Ford-Fords. 

In an exhibition center holding probably well over 10,000 people, roughly 14 were perusing the Ford exhibit.  I might be rounding down there, but compared to some other manufacturer's displays, most of the ford setup was empty.  To their credit, they caused quite a stir with some live-shows which seem to draw an audience, but as soon as they ended and the ruckus died down, it was back to crickets.  But it wasn't just the lack of people; it was an over-all feeling of emptiness, a lack of satisfaction that I hadn't felt since god knows when.  I'd really like to acknowledge that Ford has made some progress with their styling (both interior and exterior), improved some quality of material issues, and refreshed the product portfolio - and they have - its just that even with all the improvement, the vast majority of their cars fail to elicit any sort of visceral response.  A bit of a disclaimer, as someone who grew up in a house full of Mac/Apple computers, I'm not exactly partial to additional Microsoft involvement in my life beyond windows and Excel, but the thought of Microsofty running part of my car - even if its only entertainment systems - scares the living hell out of me.

Bottom line: Jag and Rover are going to TATA (of India), Aston Martin is already (mostly) on its own with Prodive support.  Hopefully now that Ford has (almost totally) shed any remnants of its Premier Auto Group (PAG) aspirations, they can get back to basics and focus on their core competencies (and other fancy consultant-speak).  I give them 3-5 years to turn it around, otherwise, the Ford Motor Company will, mark my words, cease to exist as an independent entity.

The Ugly: Chrysler

Bob Nardelli and Jim Press have their work cut out for them.  From a product standpoint, the Chrysler brand was arguably the dullest and least exciting of the show.  They introduced zero new cars for this year, with the most recent addition being the fantastically mediocre Aspen SUV from 2+ years ago.  Jeep and Dodge didn't look terrible, although there is plenty of room for improvement at each. 

I, like many others, have kept up with the rhetoric spat out by Nardelli, Press, etc, that as a private company Chrysler, LLC will be more nimble than its public competitors, that they're a "differen't kind" of automotive company.  While that's all well and good, these plans and improvements have clearly yet to reach fruition.  Yes, eliminating the number of different models offered was a good start.  Now, how about, oh, I dunno, offering some vehicles that people might actually get excited about, the way the 300C demanded a ton of attention when it debuted? 

Bottom Line: Actions speak louder than words, even expertly-crafted, MBA words.  Nardelli and crew don't have alot of time to figure it out, especially in a cyclical downturn.

Disclosure: Anal_yst does not own shares in any of the companies mentioned.  Anal_yst, nor 1-2 Knockout or its representatives do not recommend investing in any particular company or any investment strategy. 

March 30, 2008

1-2Knockout Derivative & Structured Products Desk: Hannah Montana Downfall Futures

By: Anal_yst

We here at 1-2Knockout would like to inform you, our clients (real or imagined) that we will be commencing trading in our newest product offering: Miley Cyrus Downfall Futures ("MCDF")!  The newest and most efficient way to trade Hannah Montana!

Mileycyru_gregg_14433148_600_3

We will be offering a variety of maturities in our MCDF contracts, currently going out to November 2010 (which is coincidently when she turns 18).  Prices will be quoted from par ($1.00 implies 100% probability of downfall by expiration), where the 'strike' (so-to-speak) will be based off the definition of downfall found in your (non-existent) prospectus.  MCDF are marginable and are short-eligible (although why anyone in their right mind would place such a trade is questionable at best).   To summarize though, any of the following will constitute a "downfall":

  • Drug/alcohol use (abuse)
  • Sex scandal of any sort
  • Caught hanging out in public with any of the following:
    • Paris Hilton
    • Brandon Davis
    • Lindsay Lohan (immediate downfall trigger)
    • 1-2
    • etc
  • Stint in rehab/counseling
  • Sudden drastic changes in behavior (e.g. Britney Spears)
  • Other, similar things, see prospectus for details.

Risk factors to consider are limited, as our abstract research desk (on loan from Long or Short Capital, shhh) has informed us that for longer-dated maturities, MCDF contracts are highly likely to yield outsized returns.  Insofar as any investment or speculative product can, it is our view that MCDF represents as close to a "sure thing" as any we've seen to date*, and that "its only a matter of time".  For reference though, risks include:

  • Billy Ray Cyrus/non-abusive/psychotic family
  • Disney
  • Her continued ability to avoid hanging out with the Olsen Twins
  • Religion

Mylie Cyrus Downfall Future contracts.  Long debauchery, short wholesome family goodness.



* Neither Anal_yst or 1-2Knockout, or its representatives recommend any particular investment or investment strategy.  MCDF contracts are (currently) abstract and do not actually "exist".  Consult your investment advisor before making any investments (either real or imagined).

Mugabe Update! Mugabe Loses!

Story here.

March 28, 2008

Mugabe Update!

By 1-2

News ahead of tomorrow's election: not only does Mugabe plan to steal purchasing power from his citizens, he intends to steal their votes too:

"There is a team of security and electoral agents in place to ensure Mugabe wins," a well-connected source said. "All sorts of fraudulent measures will be used to achieve this, including reducing of polling stations and ballot papers in opposition strongholds, slowing down the voting process, turning away voters and hence disenfranchisement, having ghost voters and playing around with the numbers of ballots."

Now that's how you steal an election!

(post all vote predictions here.  voting closes tonight)

Mightas Well Be A Bullseye...

Toysrus_sticker01_2






Swear to god..."Toys R' Us sells lower-back tattoos"

Toysrus_sticker02






...anyone caught letting/encouraging their kids to buy these automatically gets their under-water mortgage bailed-out by Hillary Clinton (more on that tomorrow)...

Parenting?  Discipline?  Anyone?  Bueller?

March 27, 2008

Mugabe Update!

Maybe you can't inflate your way to popularity after all...

US Government Bails Out Strippers

CNBC 'reported' this morning that 45% of all paper money printed by the Treasury is $1 bill denomination.  Everyone and their mother is so concerned about the Fed bailing out Bear Stearns that this has COMPLETELY flown under the radar.  Riddle me this Batman: which is the greater evil?  Bailing out exotic dancers or Wall Street executives?  It can be argued that both are, on the whole, largely over-paid, especially relative to performance.  The differentiating factor though, is that due to the Treasury's subterfuge, strippers represent a solid hedge in a struggling economy.  In a nod to our friends at Long or Short Capital, I suggest going long strippers (although you might want to keep size in-check), and short rich white guys (especially John Meriwether).

RIP Egg McMuffin

The creator of the Egg McMuffin passed away last night.  God bless him and the caloric energy he delivered all of us at 630am on the backs of college, analyst, and blackout all-nighters.

RIP.

Mcmuffin

March 26, 2008

Mugabe? Mugabyou! (worst title ever)

By 1-2 & TheUnrepentantGunner

This Saturday Zimbabwe will be holding a much more exciting election than the ones we hold. How can it be more exciting than the Obama v. Hillary fight Sunday Sunday Sunday?  Well, we at 1-2 will be holding a contest of sorts to up the ante.

Zimbabwe, as you have no doubt read by now, has launched a revolutionary economic policy.  It is so revolutionary that no one has ever implemented it before; certainly not in Germany, Chile, or Venezuela (although Chavez’s “Nuevo Bolivar” concept is brilliant, to cure hyperinflation all you have to do is remove the ‘0’s from the end of your currency). As a quick refresher you should read Long or Short Capital’s fine analysis on President Mugabe’s economic stimulus plan here.

These are troubled times for the bold pioneer of such a policy that Helicopter Ben can hardly dream of–not only helicopters dropping money, but rickshaws and horses too. You see, Mugabe is in potential danger of not getting to see his vision through to completion. He is being challenged by two candidates who lack the foresight to just print infinite amounts of money. As a result, Mugabe may have to get creative, and possibly print an infinite amount of ballots with his name already marked on them.

Whoever can come closet to the percentage of votes Mugabe will receive will win a prize. You can go to the nearest tenth of a percent, and Bobby Barker rules always apply, you cant ever ever go over.  It should be noted that your prize will be valued at 50USD on April 1.  The prize will then be tied to Zimbabwe’s inflation rate, and distributed on June 1st. We’re actually serious about both the prize and inflation-link.

Put your guesses in the comment fields; we will contact the winner. Keep in mind that the results may take a few days, as most of Zimbabwe's computing power is being occupied trying to find deserving Westerners a chance to hold onto $50 million dollars, and store it for them in exchange for a small one time fee of $10,000.

For those who don't trust their gut about the Mugabe efficiency theory, you can read a contrarian guide to handicapping the elections here (The Economist).

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