1-2Knockout Derivative & Structured Products Desk: Meat Belly Futures

Today, CNN/Turner creator Ted Turner declared that global warming will "cause the temperatures to rise, killing all the crops, and creating cannibals" or something to that effect.  With such bold predictions, 1-2Knockout Finance has created the latest in our series of derivative contracts: man bellies.  Similar to pork bellies ("which are used to make bacon, which you might find on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich"), man bellies are a claim to the right to own a predetermined contract weight (200lbs) in human flesh at a settlement date.  We believe the market opportunities are numerous, and the government, having shown its commitment to production by fiat of ethanol will surely be subsidizing new factories soon. 

Just think of the underutilized, cheap input costs!  These are going straight to the moon!  Buy now before these really catch on.

Contracts will begin trading at CBOT open on April 9th at a to be determined price of not less than $25USD and not more than $28USD.  For ETF inquiries, please contact your local sales adviser, or the site administrators (look right).   

Disclosure: Having just purchased a scale it has become apparent that 1-2 holds a very long position in prime, USDA Choice man bellies. 

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Hoooo boy! Getting out the Trading Places DVD tonight. Work on my Quart of Blood Technique.