1-2 Knockout

The Cause of, and Solution to All of Life's Problems

I have found the cause of the credit bubble. 

And it is Johnnie Walker.

Know this, Sirs and Madams, it pains me to even type these words, as I have been (and continue to be) quite the fan of the succulent syrup since my college days. 

Know also, that I do not mean to imply (or do I?) that everyone on Wall Street has been drunk for the past 5 (+/-) years, although I'm sure some may inevitably claim such was the case. 

Moving on.

Please, gents and ladies, if you haven't already seen it on TV yet, take a gander at this Johnnie Walker ad,  (link fixed, thanks RT!) entitled "Keep Striding"

For those of you not paying attention to the text appearing over the powerful imagery, let me spell it out for you:

Keep Rising
Keep Building
Keep Climbing
Keep Exploring
Keep Uniting
Keep Innovating

Enjoy Johnnie Walker responsibly or (Ed: some such nonsense)

Sound familiar?

Cheers, and happy weekend!

Targeted Advertising Fail

As I've been saying since soon after the days of Mary Meekers "groundbreaking" Internet Report , I've been skeptical of the metrics and methodologies used to value Internet companies.

This is (a prime example) why.

Pat on the back to Linkshare.  Value-add indeed!

(ht to a friendly anon user)

Presented Without Comment...

(Financial) Engineering Gone Horribly Awry

What does this remind you of (specifically frame 4...)?

via xkcd

Famous Last Words, or: Credit Agricole is the New Bear Stearns

This came across the news wires earlier today:

14:23 05/20 *DJ Credit Agricole Chmn: No Reason  For Customers To Be Worried

I Think we all know how this one is going to work out...

fin

This Week in "Duh"

Venerable department store icon Macy's (NYSE: M)  is really at the forefront of retail strategy.  I'm totally not being sarcastic either.  WSJ has a piece about how Macy's is announcing the unprecedented move of tailoring items in its stores to local tastes.

Now, after Macy Inc.'s same-store sales dropped 1.3% in 2007 from the previous year, Chief Executive Officer Terry Lundgren is changing course. He is ditching the nationwide cookie-cutter approach in favor of tailoring merchandise at the world's largest department-store chain by sales to local tastes.

"What the consumer wants in the Galleria of St. Louis is different from what the consumer wants in State Street Chicago, or what the consumer wants in Portland, Oregon," Mr. Lundgren says. He now wants 15% of the merchandise in stores to reflect local preferences.

Duh.

I just hope they didn't pay McKinsey or BCG to come up with this brilliant, ground-breaing strategy.  Pretty sure this item speaks for itself, demanding no further comment.

Pro:Con::Progress:Countrywide?

Presented without further comment (from wsj.com), sigh...

 

US Government Bails Out Strippers

CNBC 'reported' this morning that 45% of all paper money printed by the Treasury is $1 bill denomination.  Everyone and their mother is so concerned about the Fed bailing out Bear Stearns that this has COMPLETELY flown under the radar.  Riddle me this Batman: which is the greater evil?  Bailing out exotic dancers or Wall Street executives?  It can be argued that both are, on the whole, largely over-paid, especially relative to performance.  The differentiating factor though, is that due to the Treasury's subterfuge, strippers represent a solid hedge in a struggling economy.  In a nod to our friends at Long or Short Capital, I suggest going long strippers (although you might want to keep size in-check), and short rich white guys (especially John Meriwether).